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—  LIP News will publish briefly tomorrow and then go on holiday break until Tuesday, May 29th when daily publishing will resume.



—  Chief Berkihiser?
—  Why, yes it is!
—  This is Tom Knapp, ace reporter for LNP!
—  I thought you covered cats and dogs, Tom. And hedgehogs and sugar gliders! Why are you calling the police?
—  I’m calling about the fire.
—  Did you say “fire?” Oh, no! Did the mayor change her mind about me being chief? I wondered why she picked me. I have a terrible record.
—  I think you were the cheapest candidate and the city is running out of money, chief. But no, no, she’s not firing you. I’m calling about the arson fire set at city hall. You were there for the Mayor’s press conference yesterday.
—  Yes, I remember that!
—  What is the status of the investigation?
—  Tom, we’ve been working around the clock. Our detectives have not slept. We are following up on every lead. We are knocking on every door. We are doing old-fashioned police legwork. Um…to be truthful, Tom, we don’t have a clue. Have you heard anything?
—  Was the arsonist caught on the cameras, chief?
—  Cameras? What cameras, Tom?
—  You know – the Safety Coalition cameras!
—  Oh, those? Those are just for the tourists, Tom! It makes them feel safe. Tom, I’m scared. What if the arsonist sets our station on fire? Oh, somebody help us!
—  Thanks for the update, Chief! Gotta go – it’s deadline time!
To be continued… 




       Can the Lancaster City Police solve an arson at City Hall?
Please check back later today.

4 Responses to * TEST…TEST…TEST!

  1. Lancaster Resident says:

    Lol. This interview is obviously made up. I’m not even a fan of Lancaster Police,but no one talks like this. Not even Tom. Also, I thought news was supposed to be objective, so what is the use of putting your opinion on topics? Opinions are not news or facts they are just bias. They have no role or place in news.

    • Becky says:

      Of course it’s made up – out of frustration! LNP has an editorial everyday! They’ve been telling Lancastrians how to think for years! And that is scary! I am one person – they have an editorial staff of 80 plus. You don’t have to read this site and I assume you never watch Saturday Night Live! 🙂

  2. WTF? says:

    Off topic but I think after the latest school shooting it’s now more dangerous to be a school student than to be a cop. “Be safe out there kids.”

  3. regular reader says:

    Listen, I get that you don’t like the LCPD and you definitely have issues with the past chief. I also get that you despise the LNP, and I join you in that. But come on, Chief Berkihiser should not be guilty until proven innocent here. He is a good man and I firmly believe he will make an outstanding Chief. He was definitely a better choice than Capt Winters or Capt Umstead. The last time the city went outside of their men we got Sadler and Heim. I think it was time to promote from within. Honestly, I don’t think you will be happy with whomever holds that position but that is just my opinion. I’m looking forward to see how Chief Berkihiser rises to the challenge.

    PS keep up the good work Becky!