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  • CAN YOU WRITE THIS GOOD?

    Posted on July 6th, 2013 Becky No comments

    HOT AND BOTHERED!

    blest

     Lindsey Blest in the Conestoga Christian School’s production of “Suessical” (click here).  She received a GED from the school. 
     
         I am hot and bothered today and my computer is unhappy with this heat- so this will be brief with more to come tomorrow. 
         Police are looking for an eight-months-pregnant woman suspected of stabbing a man in Lancaster city Tuesday night, they said.
    From Wednesday’s article, “Pregnant woman stabs man, police say,” (click here).
         This whole situation is obviously tragic, but are you telling me the police still haven’t located/charged this woman?  Are you kidding me?  The entire Lancaster Police force needs to be fired!  There will be more tomorrow on the dreadful work done by the Lancaster Police Department!  Does anyone hold them accountable?
         Until yesterday’s Clay Street blaze, more than 50 years had passed since fire fatalities amounted to such a number.
         Now with a current toll of six, the Clay Street fire fatality list contests that of the 1961 fire that claimed seven lives, according to newspaper records.
    The opening two sentences to today’s article by Lindsey Blest  “Fatal blaze worst in Lancaster County since 1961 fire near Elizabethtown,” (click here).
         This is terrible writing.  Just awful!  Lindsey Blest is apparently a summer intern and an indepth look at all of the Lancaster Newspaper’s summer interns is coming.  
         The word “contests” is totally inappropriate.  The whole thing is a mess and unfeeling and just nasty.  Is there an editor in the house?  Could we show some respect for those who have tragically lost their lives?
        And speaking of the interns, we had this from intern Lauren Bejzak several days ago and it is still bothering the heck out of me (click here):
         Audience members for the fifth concert of the 2013 Long’s Park Summer Music Series arrived pretty early.
         They parked their cars anywhere they thought might allay inevitable traffic terror: Park City Center, Toys ‘R’ Us, any businesses within a few miles’ walk.
        1.  Delete the “pretty”  That is an unacceptable adjective in an article for adults.  You can just say they arrived early or you can say they arrived two hours early but you don’t say “pretty early!”  Is there an editor in the house?
        2.  “Allay inevitable traffic terror?”  Seriously?  A quick google search on you indicates you were the Editor-in-Chief at F & M’s magazine, The College Reporter.  Wow!  I thought F & M was better than this! You apparently also won some type of vocabulary contest and you try to use every fancy word you can in this article.  Cut it out!  It’s absurd and annoying!  Go see Cindy Stauffer and learn how to write.  This article is supposed to be light and fun and you have made it unreadable! 
        Wow!  I’m getting even hotter.  Please stay cool and check back tomorrow. 

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