SNOW = COLD!
Snow equals cold, which means more people will need heating oil, which makes oil an attractive investment.
From today’s front page Sunday News article, “Heating oil speculation leaves many in the cold,” (click here).
Gil, come on in! We haven’t had a chat in a long time!
Yeah, like I miss that!
What did you say, Gil?
Great to see you, Marv! What did you want to talk about?
What will you be writing about this week, Gil?
The price of heating oil! Damn, my bills are huge! I bought this new house and all and it’s costing me a hell of a lot to heat it.
You do a heating oil story every year, Gil! Will there be anything new in this one?
No, I just want to bitch. I didn’t think the price would go up this much! I should have locked it in when I had the chance. Damn!
Is there anything people can do to help save money, Gil? Will you be covering that?
Not a damn thing they can do, Marv. Not a damn thing I can do. We’ll blame this on those damn speculators and snow, Marv! Did you know snow equals cold, Marv?
I’m not in kindergarten, Gil! Will you be listing agencies where people can get help with their oil bills?
Only in passing. I make too much for assistance. I don’t think it’s fair, Marv! I have three young children!
What does this have to do with Lancaster and our readers then, Gil?
Nothing. I just want to bitch. And since when do we care what our readers want? We only care what Peggy Steinman wants! She can afford all the oil she needs!
Well, very good, Gil! Speaking of money, we have to combine two sections! We’re giving it a new name, “Alive.” Isn’t that great?
Alive? That’s about the dorkiest thing I’ve ever heard.
It’s hip and fresh, Gil!
Who says that, Marv?
Peggy Steinman. She’s barely alive so she really liked it!
But Marv, our readers have to be alive if they read it, don’t they? It really doesn’t make sense to me!
Don’t let Peggy hear you say that. Women! You know I’ve been married to three of them and I still don’t have a clue what drives them.
Who knew, Marv?
Is that sarcasm, Gil? Listen, what else are we going to put on our front page today? Any ideas? Your story sure is not going to sell any papers. We need to sell papers.
Let me think on it, Marv.
Okay, when the smoke clears get back to me.
That gives Gil a smart idea! Put fire on the front page! That should warn, I mean, warm people up! The conversation will continue…